Saturday, July 22, 2006

Happiness takes work

I was exceedingly grumpy this morning and, hoping to find a magic solution (while simultaneously pretending to treat the matter in practical fashion), I googled "happiness takes work". (Of course, as Queen of the Universe I should be entitled to just click my fingers and call for happiness on demand, but I've been doing that for ages and no, it isn't working. You just can't get good help any more. It's completely scandalous.)

Googling quickly led to a whole nest of guru-like articles by one Dr Margaret Paul. I'm finding them helpful and will link to some below, but please be warned: if the following keywords make you want to hurl projectiles, or just hurl full stop, don't bother reading further:

inner child
core self
higher guidance

Also, the main website spruiks a self-development course which is said to involve "dialoguing", but please don't think that I'm recommending it. In my opinion, anything stupid enough to use the term "dialoguing" is too stupid to be allowed anywhere near your life, but maybe that's just a personal thing, and you probably think I'm too stupid in recommending these articles anyway, don't you? :)

Happiness Takes Work: 5 Choices to Create Happiness
Happy people think and behave according to these principles:
1. optimism
2. kindness
3. forgiveness
4. acceptance
5. gratitude

Does Your Life Lack Meaning?
Loneliness is the primary feeling when we want to connect with another and the other is unavailable. If you were completely open to your feelings, you would feel moments of loneliness throughout the day. However, most people never feel this feeling and are completely unaware of it, because the moment there is a twinge of emotional pain, they move instantly to various addictions and addictive behaviors, such as substances, activities, thoughts, shame and blame. Yet when we shut out pain, we also shut out joy and a passionate sense of purpose.

Selfishness versus Self-Responsibility
Giving ourselves up to avoid being called selfish is not self-responsible - it is manipulative and dishonest. When we give ourselves up to avoid criticism, we are trying to control how another feels about us.

Are You Invisible?
If your own feelings and needs are invisible to yourself, they will end up being invisible to others. It is not realistic to constantly put yourself aside and then expect others to value and respect you. Anytime you tolerate uncaring or disrespectful behavior in others to avoid conflict, you are training others to see you as invisible, to not care about your feelings and needs.

The Powerful Secret to A Loving Relationship
At any given moment, each of us is devoted to only one of two different intentions: to control or to learn. When our intention is to control, our deepest motivation is to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. When our intention is to learn, our deepest motivation is to learn about being loving to ourselves and others.

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